


"And that was not just the wicked Loki,"

by Keenir



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: ...rememberings thereof, Complete crack, Gen, Never underestimate the power of bear claws, Pre-Relationship, ditto for if he's serious, if Loki is pulling their legs how would they know?, just don't ask how Sif ended up lord of a Sumerian city, telling tales over many drinks, who is pulling whose leg?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keenir/pseuds/Keenir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and Sif tell the Avengers of one of their pre-relationship adventures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"And that was not just the wicked Loki,"

The Avengers were celebrating two things this evening: Thor's upcoming wedding to Jane, and the Loki-and-Sif baby shower... _not that they'll say which of them is having the kid; bastards,_ Tony thought but without much malice, not on an eve like this, deep in one of the better pubs he knew of. "Okay, now spill," Stark said. "When did you realize you and Lady Bourne were in love?" and wondered how Pepper and Jarvis were faring on the shower preparations back at the townhouse he'd bought for the couple.

"Bourne?" Loki asked, not looking up from his mug. "Did you not always call her Xena?"

Tony nodded. "Xena doesn't have half the skills of your fiance, though. Now answer my question."

"Was it before or after the wyrm fishing trip?" Clint asked.

"It was on your world," Loki said, waving the bartender over for a refill.

Raising his eyebrows, "Can't you magic more in there?"

"Thor impressed upon me that his friend Stark is paying for each glassful of whatever we drink. Truly would I be a poor guest, if I had no refills."

Tony very nearly laughed heartily and slapped Loki on the back; he settled for laughing hard. "Absolutely! Now tell," his voice conversationally saying 'drink all you want, but you're not leaving til you tell us.'

_As this is a celebration, and I am - more importantly - in a good mood,_ "You are familiar with the eddas," Loki said, and saw all the Avengers nodding. "And the related tales."

"Snorri, Saxo, yeah."

"Earlier," Loki said.

"How earlier?" Bruce asked. "Like, say, Beowulf?"

"I believe a fair distance before then. Do you still tell tales of a flood?"

"No fucking way you're Noah," Clint said.

"Agreed. But I did meet him. His name was a considerable bit longer at the time," Loki said.

"Before Loki tells you he was the Great King of the city," Sif said, "I will assure you that the scribes reversed our places to a degree. In truth, Loki was Enkindu."

"I thought you dead," Loki says to her, his voice hushed. "I sought and I quested, and what story changes its perspective from Glorious Ruler to The Wildman if it does not have to?"

"You were Gilgamesh?" Tony asked Sif. "On the way back, we're all going to stop at the museum so you can autograph the tablet I donated like twenty years ago."

Natasha narrowed her eyes at Sif. "I've read the translations - Russian and English. You sent a girl out to have sex with Loki for three weeks?"

Steve and Tony weren't the only ones who were watching Sif to see what she'd say. Though Tony was looking at Loki out the corner of one eye, wondering how innappropriate it would be if he declared himself a younger version of Loki because _man, just because. Huh._

Thor just shook his head sadly, but suspected his friends would not believe his words, were he to speak on his behalf, not on this matter.

"There was no sex," Loki said. "Not even one bout or coupling that lasted a second, much less weeks. I know, I was there."

"Then how'd you catch him in the wilderness?" Natasha asked.

"Bait," Sif said.

"Sigyn," Loki said.

"The woman who got jail time in a cave?" Tony asked.

"Her," Sif agreed. "I send Sigyn out to bring Loki to the city. I thought he'd been out wandering long enough on his own; time once more for some adventures together."

"Why Sigyn?" Bruce asked. "I mean..." and he turned bright red as he recalled that part of the Sumerian epic.

Either not noticing or pretending not to see that, Thor answered, "Sigyn is and was famed for the deliciousness of her deep fried bear claws. All the Nine Realms speak with reverence of her skills in cooking that delicacy."

Tony said, "Bear claws're always good, never had them deep fried before...wait, real bears' claws?"

"And when I was brought before Sif, we ventured out together once more, toppling giants and other challenges as a team," Loki said, only having eyes for Sif.

"Until you each believed the other had fallen to death," Thor said.

"Well thanks for not cracking open our planet like an egg," Tony said.

"Or at least for not succeeding in an attempt to do that," Steve said.

"That would have been too merciful," Sif said.

Loki smiled like he knew something the Avengers didn't. "I would have said too quick."

"So, after you thought Sif was dead, you went on the hunt for...?" Clint asked, wanting to hear the rest of this claim.

"Sif," Loki said, his tone making it obvious that his answer was obvious. "Some of the elder gods, beings far older and more powerful than Asgardians, have vacation homes on your planet."

"One of them wouldn't happen to be named Cthulhu, would he?" Steve asked, remembering looking at a map of Europe during the War, and seeing a town called _Innsbrook_.

"I found one, and after a nice long chat," Loki muttered, "I received a missive from Asgard...informing me that Sif was in fact alive."

"Questing Beast is the opposite of an acquired taste," Sif grumbled. "After the first seven, I had difficulty keeping them in my stomach. But no matter what Arthur and his pet mage tried, I broke free and helped his queen meet her lover on the battlefield. Thor and Loki arrived once the battle was over."

"I am sorry," Thor apologized with the voice of someone who has no idea how many times he must apologize for a long-ago slight.

"Merlin wasn't really a good guy?" Bruce asked.

"Far from it," Loki said.

"This coming from a guy who has 'Destroy the World' scheduled on his calendar," Clint said.

"You needn't believe _all_ the tales written of me."

"And the one you just told us?" Tony said. "How 'bout that one?"

"Completely true."

"Thor?" Tony asked.

Thor shrugged. "I cannot say, my friends. Whilst this was transpiring, I was in the middle of a...'time out' is your expression."

"Seriously?" Clint asked.

"Most serious."

"How old were y- What'd you do to get the time-out?" Tony asked.

"I had just killed the Thrud's suitor."

"And yes," Loki said, "Thrud will soon enough be Jane Foster's stepdaughter."

And Sif said, "I know what you are thinking, and cease that thought now."

**Author's Note:**

> '[...] the axe at my side, the bow at my arm,  
> 'the dagger in my belt, the shield in front of me,  
> 'my festive garment, my splendid attire...'  
> \--Gilgamesh speaking of the closeness of himself and Enkindu; Gilgamesh, Tablet VIII, Column ii
> 
> 'It is not the sorrow in my belly, [...]  
> 'nor for that do I roam the wilderness in quest of a wind-puff, but because of  
> 'my friend, companion, who chased the wild ass, the panther of the steppe --  
> 'Enkindu, friend, loved-one, who chased the wild ass, panther of the steppe.  
> 'We overcame everything: climbed the mountain,  
> 'captured the Bull of Heaven and killed him,'  
> \--Gilgamesh, Tablet X, Column i.


End file.
